Finding Jay (or is that Waldo?)
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Sorry guys, been dealing with some financial difficulties, filing for SSDI, mortgage modification issues, etc. I have been trying to deal with getting used to my health issues which has not been easy. My nerve disease took an aggressive turn a few months ago and it has not been fun. What is difficult is that other than the damage to the nerves themselves, nothing else is physically wrong with me. Its what the nerves are telling the brain that is the problem, such as ice-cold feelings in the feet and lower legs when its 90 degrees outside! Or the constant pain signals sent to the brain though there are no injuries (other than the nerve damage) on or in the body.
3-4 mornings a week, I wake up at 3-6am with the feeling that my lower legs are being crushed and massive electrical shocks (feels like a 2" diameter) are being sent throughtout them between my ankles and knees (though sometimes now, up past the hips). The pain is so massive that I go into my garage so my screaming (and sometimes crying like a baby-and that ain't so easy to admit guys) doesn't wake up my young son. It matters not whether you are lying down, standing, or walking, the pain is the same. Last Friday morning the excruciating pain lasted for a straight 1 1/2 hours! I cried like a baby and screamed so loud I thought I was going to die!
I continue to be on nerve blockers (3600mg of Neurotin) and Methadone daily and have already become an addict. No big deal as I will be on them for the rest of my life (I will be 47 next month), though I am due to find a pain management doc who will probably double my current daily dosage of Methadone. I have tried to keep increases in pain killers to a minimum as my tolerance will grow and larger amounts will be needed as time goes on and I'm not exactly that old right now. But the pain is too much for me to handle now at current drug dosages. I will be 47 years old next month and can look forward to this disease for the rest of my life. It will not kill me, just make my quality of life, a bit more difficult over the years. There is currently no cure, and some non-traditional treatments have not proved to help as the damage is too extensive according to those docs.
We are most likely going to lose our home, though my wife is working all she can and my disability will most likely take another 12-18 months to start paying, we cannot keep up the payments on our first and second mortgage. But at least renting is alot cheaper these days and I have learned to be much more humble and not so proud these days. I just hope to find a home that has some room for my projects and close enough to my wife's students so that she doesn't lose any (we cannot afford for her to lose any students).
But, I have a wonderful family, a great wife whom I owe my life to, and a wonderful young son who is the light of my life. We are currently building his '56 Dodge 2dr HT. Watching him grow up and working and saving money together for his car, are great therapy for me and a good bonding time for him and I. We don't have much cash for this so we are going to use the 'Vette LT1/4L60e set-up I have for the Hudson in his Dodge. I'm going to sell the 315 V8 I had built, cause I don't like the expensive tranny situation we are left with, and the 'Vette stuff is already in the garage. Another SBC, I know, but doesn't bother me, and it means we can most likely finish his build. The Hudson will get built someday, there is plenty of work I can do now that cost nothing, stripping, bodywork, installing my Fatmans MII suspension, etc. This is the best medicine I can have.
Please don't get me wrong, I do not seek pity. But, some of you have asked (and you'll never know how much I appreciate that) how I have been doing. I hope this explains why I am not always around here. I have my good days and my bad days. I spend more time in bed lying on my side than I care to, but it is what I have do. Sometimes, when my hands and fingers are hurting alot, I cannot type, as it feels like pounding your fingertips on the tips sewing needles. Lowering my stress level helps some, but honestly, I feel best when lying on my side in bed since the worst pain occurs in my hands, feet, and ....."tail end" (if you get what I mean! lol). My neighbor has been great, helping to get some bodywork and other fabrication work done on our Dodge. Most of our friends have been very understanding, not asking anymore why I appear to limp, or can't handle firm handshakes, etc. They know I can't sit nor stand for much time, don't stay up late cause I get tired easily (too many meds), can't drive for longer than 45 minutes as I get too tired and start to babble non-sensical things due to the drugs, and have a very bad short-term memory (due to the drugs and other brain issues).
But, other than that......everythings CHERRY!! :-) Hell, at least I have my eyesight, limbs, and some brain left, though some may debate that. There are plenty of folks out there who have a much harder life and medical conditions than I. So, I will be fine and have learned to make necessary adjustments in my life. So, offers of a helping hand on our projects are fine, but pity is not allowed! :-)
Here's hoping everyone has as good a life as possible, remembering what is really important, to be a good friend.
Thanks,
Jay
3-4 mornings a week, I wake up at 3-6am with the feeling that my lower legs are being crushed and massive electrical shocks (feels like a 2" diameter) are being sent throughtout them between my ankles and knees (though sometimes now, up past the hips). The pain is so massive that I go into my garage so my screaming (and sometimes crying like a baby-and that ain't so easy to admit guys) doesn't wake up my young son. It matters not whether you are lying down, standing, or walking, the pain is the same. Last Friday morning the excruciating pain lasted for a straight 1 1/2 hours! I cried like a baby and screamed so loud I thought I was going to die!
I continue to be on nerve blockers (3600mg of Neurotin) and Methadone daily and have already become an addict. No big deal as I will be on them for the rest of my life (I will be 47 next month), though I am due to find a pain management doc who will probably double my current daily dosage of Methadone. I have tried to keep increases in pain killers to a minimum as my tolerance will grow and larger amounts will be needed as time goes on and I'm not exactly that old right now. But the pain is too much for me to handle now at current drug dosages. I will be 47 years old next month and can look forward to this disease for the rest of my life. It will not kill me, just make my quality of life, a bit more difficult over the years. There is currently no cure, and some non-traditional treatments have not proved to help as the damage is too extensive according to those docs.
We are most likely going to lose our home, though my wife is working all she can and my disability will most likely take another 12-18 months to start paying, we cannot keep up the payments on our first and second mortgage. But at least renting is alot cheaper these days and I have learned to be much more humble and not so proud these days. I just hope to find a home that has some room for my projects and close enough to my wife's students so that she doesn't lose any (we cannot afford for her to lose any students).
But, I have a wonderful family, a great wife whom I owe my life to, and a wonderful young son who is the light of my life. We are currently building his '56 Dodge 2dr HT. Watching him grow up and working and saving money together for his car, are great therapy for me and a good bonding time for him and I. We don't have much cash for this so we are going to use the 'Vette LT1/4L60e set-up I have for the Hudson in his Dodge. I'm going to sell the 315 V8 I had built, cause I don't like the expensive tranny situation we are left with, and the 'Vette stuff is already in the garage. Another SBC, I know, but doesn't bother me, and it means we can most likely finish his build. The Hudson will get built someday, there is plenty of work I can do now that cost nothing, stripping, bodywork, installing my Fatmans MII suspension, etc. This is the best medicine I can have.
Please don't get me wrong, I do not seek pity. But, some of you have asked (and you'll never know how much I appreciate that) how I have been doing. I hope this explains why I am not always around here. I have my good days and my bad days. I spend more time in bed lying on my side than I care to, but it is what I have do. Sometimes, when my hands and fingers are hurting alot, I cannot type, as it feels like pounding your fingertips on the tips sewing needles. Lowering my stress level helps some, but honestly, I feel best when lying on my side in bed since the worst pain occurs in my hands, feet, and ....."tail end" (if you get what I mean! lol). My neighbor has been great, helping to get some bodywork and other fabrication work done on our Dodge. Most of our friends have been very understanding, not asking anymore why I appear to limp, or can't handle firm handshakes, etc. They know I can't sit nor stand for much time, don't stay up late cause I get tired easily (too many meds), can't drive for longer than 45 minutes as I get too tired and start to babble non-sensical things due to the drugs, and have a very bad short-term memory (due to the drugs and other brain issues).
But, other than that......everythings CHERRY!! :-) Hell, at least I have my eyesight, limbs, and some brain left, though some may debate that. There are plenty of folks out there who have a much harder life and medical conditions than I. So, I will be fine and have learned to make necessary adjustments in my life. So, offers of a helping hand on our projects are fine, but pity is not allowed! :-)
Here's hoping everyone has as good a life as possible, remembering what is really important, to be a good friend.
Thanks,
Jay
0
Comments
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Jay,
Good to hear from you and that you're dealing with what life is throwing at you with perspective and understanding of what to be thankful for.
This may sound weird but have any doctors suggested trying "THC~MaryJane~420" as a adjunct to the pain medication? If it was me ~ I'd be looking for anything to help with the pain you've described
Both Rambo and I are heathy at the moment (TG) - but, I'm at a crossroads as well... I lost my programming gig a month ago, and with no work on the horizon I'm not sure If I'll be able to hang onto this place either - right now I am just trying to keep busy, weigh my options, and try not to stress out too much...
Take Care
Dan0 -
Hi Jay, I'm glad you have found a way to type. I think keeping your mind busy is very important. I know a while back you mentioned that typing was extremely hard. So it's great to see you here and active on the forum again!:)
By the way, my Dad is a Hudson nut, and it just so happens, a 1956 Dodge nut! He's got a few D-500's. Maybe you two could help each other with parts or something? ...Is the motor your selling a Hemi?
Good to have you back. Take care.:)0 -
Thanks guys, you just do what you gotta do! :-)
bent metal, no its not a Hemi, its a 315 Poly. I'm just running outta cash!0 -
Hi Friend,
It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry you are going thru all these bad times. I think of you often. Don't give up!
Peace,
Chaz0 -
Jay,
Wow! I can't believe the challenges you have been experiencing. Having seen your beautiful home, met your wife and son, I know that you are proud (as you should be) of all of them.
Having my wife pass away at such an early age, certainly made me check my priorities over the past two years. As you are finding, friends and our families are the best source of comfort and support you can have. I hope you know that there are many people on this forum, including me, that consider you a friend, and will listen to you and offer any support that we can. ( I also endorse Dan's suggestion on the THC.)
I have been blessed with new things in my life (love), since the loss of my wife, but I strongly suggest clinging to the things that are best... your family. As beautiful as your house is, it can easily be replaced. It can't take care of you in these tough times.
Spending time with you son on your projects will always give you a little comfort during your painful time.
Of course you know all of this. I will keep you in my prayers. (What, your surprised I pray? How do you think I've made it through all my crap? LOL)
Terry0 -
Hey guys, the THC crossed my mind early on. Hey I grew up in the late 70's! LOL
As of now, AZ does not have a medical THC law passed. But I keep voting for it when it comes up, doing my part. I do have some friends trying to start a "legal" coop in SoCal right now and I'm doing some research on it for them on the taxation side. We'll see what comes of it.....may have to take a drive to SoCal? :-)
And thanks everyone for your kind thoughts for our family. I know we are not by far the only people having a tough of it. But we are hanging on and taking one day at a time. I have an appointment with a pain management group next week, so I'll see what they have to say. I guess they will be stuck just increasing the Methadone for now. And maybe some Ambien for sleeping, which I hate going to sleep, because I don't ever know what kind of morning I'll have. This morning lasted for only 20 minutes, which is a good extreme pain streak for me.
It is good to know one has such good friends, and met only on the internet to boot! If we loose our house, how many of you guys can I get to come to AZ to help me move! LOL (just kidding guys)
Jay0 -
Maybe I can help a little on the "losing the house" front. Our man Bracko has several programs, and a good place to start is www.makinghomeaffordable.gov. They have programs to modify your loan or to refinance at a lower rate.
Also, do NOT fall for these "we'll save your house for you, for 3 grand up front" outfits- they're virtually all scams- once they get you're money, they kind of lose interest in the project, 'cause its much more profitable to find another sucker than it is to actually do anything on your case. They may do a couple things to make it look like they're really going to bat for you, but nothing that is worth the money you paid, and nothing that will get any permanent results.
The guvment website above also has links to approved counselling and assistance outfits in each state- so that would be something else to try.
Finally, you mentioned that your social security disability will probably come too late to save your house. Are you working with an attorney on it? In a "slam dunk" case like yours, I would think a good attorney could speed things up considerably. I'm not all that proud of my profession, but there are some situations where a good attorney is crucial, and this is one of them- its too complicated to be a DIY project, and you waste too much time trying to figure out how to get through it all. Yellow pages under "Attorneys", go to the section where they're listed by specialty, you want one under "Social Security". Gotta have a specialist- even if your regular attorney says he can do it for you, he probably can't.
I'm a real estate attorney, and used to be a banker. I could give you some more specific advice if you want to PM me with specific info.
You've been dealt a rough hand, and I'm glad you're still communicating with us here- I think it will be better for you in the long run than just "dropping out". Hang in there, man-
Mike0 -
Thanks Mike, your absolutely correct. As for the SSDI, I did hire an attorney whom have already filed my claim a month or so back. Just got word the SSI (which I won't qualify for) claim has been assigned to a claims manager, but am waiting to hear when the SSDI claim is assigned. My attorney are good at updating me regularly on my case. I used them from the start, knowing that they would have a better chance at filing the correct paperwork rather than I. We'll see how long it takes, hopefully not too long.
As far as the mortgage, I work with an old friend of mine and my mortgage person for years. She reviews any correspondence from my lender and advises me on what to do. I was sent a letter stating that they considered me a possible eligible participant in the Obama plan (Home Affordable Modification Program), gave the lender what info they wanted and am waiting for their reply in another few days. The only thing that stresses me out now, is if we have to move, I cannot afford movers, but handling that much furniture and heavy items is going to kill the nerves in my hands and feet! But I'll do what I have to do, and hopefully it wouldn't be to far from here! LOL
So, I'll keep everybody updated on the sitch, and thanks again for being such good friends!
Jay0 -
Jay,
Sounds like you've got the bases pretty well covered in both areas. The main thing is to just keep sloggin' ahead on both fronts, because these things have a tendency to get stacked on some bureaucrat's desk and forgotten, unless someone keeps "reminding" them.
Sorry I won't be able to help with the moving thing (its kind of a far commute), if that comes to pass- but I wouldn't panic yet- foreclosures take time, and I'm thinking you'll be able to avoid it completely.
Mike0 -
Hi Jay,I had sent you a few emails and hadnt heard from you,I hadnt realised it had got so bad, Me and Linda often speak aout you and the time you spent down under with us, its was a privilage to meet you and Dima and Tatiana, the 1 thing we remember the most is the humour that you brought with you and we hope that remains with you always as its 1 of a kind, if we were nearer you we would be more than happy to help, I have missed the winding up that you have done in the past as it was all in your good humour and we all have our own pionts to make and you have made some good 1s, keep hold of your beliefs and may your greater spirital power bring you relief in this time of need and may things swing around to your advantage,You know we are here for you, even just for a chat
Mike0 -
Mike, I'm sorry I have been bad about checking my emails, my brain forgets things so easily these days.
Tanya and I cherish the time we got to spend with you, Linda, and the kids, as well as meeting a few of your friends. It was the best vacation we have ever had and probably will get to have in the near future. I so wish there was a way for us to move to New Zealand, I just love that place! And of course there are hot rodder folks there which makes it even better. I liked the school system set-up as well as other things.
I try to post here though its not as often as before. I thought I would liven things up a bit about the Toyota engine thread! I thought more folks would be screaming about it! But, I'm seriously considering using it. Know anyone who wants to buy a complete Vette engine/tranny? lol I would consider trades if someone has what I need.
Anyway, don't worry Mike, someday we are coming back to visit (again wish it was to move!) you and the family again. One couldn't ask for better friends!
Jay0 -
Thanks Jay, its always been our pleasure and you are always full of laughts, please never loose that humor of yours it your trade mark, as you know we can always find a space here for you
Mike0
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